Wednesday, 27 January 2021 09:04

The pants that split up the ASS

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I can’t remember the exact name of the book.

But it was a PG Wodehouse special, replete with Jeeves, Wooster and the inimitable Aunt Dahlia, and the rest of the gang. Heh.

(The Inimitable Jeeves, I believe is what it was…)

And we had a certain “shrinking daisy” and lily livered poltroon “Gussie Fink Nottle” who was supposedly an admirer of “newts” (I don’t know how to pronounce that rightly, LOL, so let’s say “flies”??) and little else.

He was trying to also muster up the courage to get “married” to the girl of his choice, and to tell her about it.


Well, I won’t get into the plot here.

But suffice it to say that Bertie Wooster was pulled into “presenting the prizes for “kids annual day” or something” at Market Snodsbury School or something, and that was something he absolutely did NOT want to do i.e. present prizes to gaggling schoolkids!

And he got out of it (smartly, so he said, hehe) by fobbing the job off to “Nottle”. Who didn’t want it, so he (despite his own initial reluctance) got drunk to DO it.

And got drunk in the funniest manner ever.

Wodehouse is one for the ages!

But anyone, before getting drunk, Bertie told him the story of a “headmaster” whose pants once split up the ass as he bent down to pick up a prize or something (it happened in front of the entire audience). 

Or actually, Gussie in his mournful way brought that up I believe while Bertie was trying to “chuff him up”.

“How we laughed!” said Bertie. How could we forget!

Indeed, much like the plague from China, some things and some people and some characters will never be forgotten, Donald Trump being one.

Anyway, the Nottle got drunk, went on stage, and the rest is in the book. So drunk that Aunt Dahlia called him “Bottle” from there on it.

Wodehouse, I repeat, is ONE FOR THE AGES!



And I remember an instance where I was out drinking with my buddy from the Marines, wearing those tight “Straight fit” jeans I so love.

That show you off at your BEST when you’re in shape, and WORST when you’re NOT (if you can get into them at that point, hehe).

Thats always been me, of course. 

When I’m fat, I’m a lard ass. When I’m fit, I’m a virtuoso at it. Never any “in betweens”, hehe – and if the Bozo Trollfield is reading this, it aint THAT in between.

Anyway, I was showing him how to do Hindu squats (my friend, not the Bozo-nator).

And stopped in the nick of time.

We don’t want these pants to split, I laughed.

He laughed back.

“No, you don’t want that!”

Curiously enough, this is the SAME thought that came to mind to me today while doing my SQUAT workout. Hehe. Even though I wouldn’t tear my pants (track pants).

And sadly, this is more reality for most people than TRUE.

Most people are at risk of TEARING their pants if they bend down to pick up a pencil – if they even can

And most people expel flatulence at the SLIGHEST hint of bending anything – knees, back, anything – again – IF They can get past a certain point.

And if there ever was a category of people that “break Chinning bars” without trying to (hey – even those poor things have a limit to the amount of tonnage they can hold – they weren’t meant for ELEPHANTS!) … THEY Are it.


Sad state of affairs.

But hey, I was once in the last category.

All good things happen for a reason tho for us true ACHIEVERS, and it only led me to do MORE pull-ups when I was FAT – on thick bars outside!

I was the exception rather than the rule, sure.

But so should you!

And good news, you don’t HAVE to be an exception if you don’t wanna be.

But, being a wannabe is NOT how you should spend your life. “Being jealous” (as the self projecting Schofield keeps accusing people of being) is NOT how you should spend your life. Looking at others that got good at pull-ups and claiming “they say just do it” when you yourself are FAT, I repeat FAT – and cannot even hang on the bar is NOT the way to go.

LOSE that weight, chump.

Be a CHIMP. Not a CHUMP, I should say! (and I might well send out an email on that too!) 

It’s just that simple.

And don’t tear any more pant asses than you have to (I’m not talking to the Bozo here either. LOL).

He has to tear ‘em apart, or he goes nuts.

And on that sage note, pick up what is possibly my best damn course ever on whipping THY BUTT into the best shape ever pronto – Animal Kingdom Workouts.

Just do it, my friend. Really. Just click over, lift a butt cheek up, pull out a card or something, and then just do it!


Rahul Mookerjee

PS – You know those rooms you avoid because “they just smell like farts no matter what”? Well, most bedrooms and offices are like that. Ugh. What a sorry state of affairs mi amigo, and even sadder part, it don’t need to be that way. REVERSE the “flow” (LOL) starting NOW.